1:04 pmattentionIf I were in charge:
- If, in a public venue, the audience is clearly and politely reminded to shut off cellphones, and one rings anyway, the owner of the offending phone shall be force-fed their own phone in the presence of all offended parties.
- Jon Stewart will be placed in charge of CNN.
- No belly shirts for young women possessing a sizable belly. [See: Men with plumber�s crack]
- When asked the typical, �What do you want to be when you grow up?� question, any children responding with clown, mime or unicyclist, will be placed under constant supervision and possibly heavily medicated.
- If a car alarm persists for over 15 minutes, the neighborhood shall be granted free and unrestrained access to firebomb and execute said vehicle.
- Experimentation on animals will cease post haste. Henceforth, we will test only those who collect Hummel figurines.
- At U-Scan (Self check-outs at the Grocery store) machines, time will be limited and anyone who cannot finish their purchasing within said amount of time will have to go back to the end of the line and try again.
- Drinking water fountains will be replaced with coffee/cappacino fountains.
- All eating establishments serving three sizes of drinks will be forced to name one of them small. I don�t care which one, as long as one of them is.
- Ammendment Rule #1: Road construction cones may not be placed until the construction is actually ready to begin, and Michigan will be limited to one construction site at a time, per city.
- Counter staff at the local Subway shall be zapped with a Taser every time they ask �do want ______ on that?� after one asks for a sandwich �with everything�.
- Tailgaiting (under any other circumstances besides bumper cars) shall be prosecuted under the full extent of the law (i.e. revoking of license).
- Speaking in any other language other than english whilst in public earshot will result in any public violence laws to be overlooked, as will the security and/or any law enforcement officers look away for a short period of time allowing any individuals within arms length to take action accordingly against the non-english speaking parties.
