12:03 pmnumber hunting season is in effectI am incessantly bombarded by morons who are swarmed with an aura of smug intolerable narcissism. They seem to have the increasingly annoying assumption that they may actually have a chance with me if they spit some game (and horrific pick-up lines) and therefore peak my interest, which may I add never EVER happens (I fell for my now-boyfriend because not only did he refrain from poorly executed pick-up lines or persistence in attempt to get [and hold] my attention, but moreso that he has a tendency to look mysterious and always has a guilty look that intrigues me to the point where I have to be in on the secret. Which is the complete opposite of the aforementioned imbeciles).
Yesterday I was out driving and stopped to get gas, and whilst minding my own business, I noticed an insanely Muscular Man eyeballing me so I tried my best at avoiding his glance. Finally when I got the chance to get out of there without encountering the MM (he was inside paying I presume), I got my foot into my car when I heard someone yell, "HEY!" and of course, OF COURSE I had to see what all the commotion was about - and I looked up. Sure enough, MM was speed walking back to his car (but approaching me more or less) and waving his hand trying to heed my attention. I made a point to sigh obnoxiously and roll my eyes so he'd see that I wasn't interested in whatever was about to come out of his mouth. Unfortunately, not everyone has it all there in the head and cannot take a hint. I was secretly hoping he would ask me something really cliche (like my sign) so I could answer with some smart-ass comment such as "Trespassers will be shot on-site", but instead he made some lame comment about how I'd caught his eye and he couldn't help but talk to me before I walked out of his life (since I was in it in the first place?). As if that wasn't dorky enough, he then followed up with the classic (not even a little original), "So, can I get your number?"
Normally I would be semi-polite and try to avoid any damage to his ego by dodging the question altogether and hi-tailing it out of there without actually having to reject him by saying 'no'. But for whatever reason, I wasn't in the mood to be the nice-girl and I took the opportunity to make this experience something I could talk about at a later date (today). I decided that the Direct Approach would be best and simply said "No, sorry" then tried to escape with that note by closing my car door. But alas, the all-brawn no-brains had to make the situation worse than it already was...he held my door open so I couldn't shut it. Again I did the over exaggerated sigh-and-eye-roll spiel, but never the less it had absolutely no impact on warding off Mr. Wonderful. He asked why he couldn't have my number, so I retaliated by inquiring what makes him think I should give it to him (I now realize just how mean that sounded..haha oops!). He was unable to come up with a convincing answer (big surprise) but suggested that I may be making the mistake of my life if I failed to hand over the digits (he made it sound like he was confiscating them from me or something). 'Fat chance' ran through my mind like one of those "EAT AT JOES!" signs the cartoons are notorious for using.
"Fine, you want my number?" I said. "It's 149" (I discreetly used the price of regular unleaded gasoline for my "number")
"Alright, cool. 149...go on"
"That's it, one four and nine. 149"
"Eh?"
"Mmm hmm, yes, I got some of the early ones. Bye!� and with that, I put the car into gear and sped off.
However, on my departure I couldn�t resist a parting glance at him..He was just idly standing there with those beady eyes blinking rapidly.
